When the Lord called me, I was a committed believer working for the church, passionate about Jesus and ministering to His people. Yet leaving this job was just the first step in a confronting journey of getting to know Him more.

I have discovered aspects of God’s character that I did not know existed, nuances of His personality that no one ever introduced me to. Yet the birthplace for this understanding was sparse and desolate.

The Lord took me in to a personal exile, an experience of constantly being with Him, yet living in unyielding drought. It felt like God took His blessing away from me but never His presence. It felt like He was always with me, intimately talking and leading me, yet the land before me was ever a desert.

It was a drought that encompassed both my material and spiritual existence; my life went from having abundance to being a life of subsistence, where even the blessing of peace, rest and joy would evade me. It was as if the Lord wanted me to realize that these precious gifts can only come from Him, gifts so valuable that I should never again take them for granted.

It was a time where He stripped away much. Some things He simply took, other things He asked me to surrender, and many things we wrestled over through the night. As He pruned my life, He revealed my weakness, my toil, my fear, my pride, and my selfish ambitions.

Oh I could sing worship songs passionately. I could write and present an engaging sermon. I could toil over ministry and strategically grow a community. I could cast vision and draw people in beside me. But I did not realize how much of what I did was about Him, and intended for Him, but not from Him.

These revelations were painful, for as the Lord sifted through the very foundations of my life He exposed the sand and poorly crafted infrastructure that I had been building upon. Yet here in lies the great blessing, for as the Lord revealed my weakness, He then removed these deficient foundations, creating space within me to teach me what I lacked: wisdom, faithfulness and patient endurance.

Through all of this, I was never alone, for He never stopped talking, never stopped encouraging, never stopped affirming His promises, and never stopped revealing what the future was to be. And so in many respects, this time of personal exile has been the greatest blessing God has ever given to me.

Thank you Lord Jesus that you loved me enough to take me through the desert, to strip back my life. Thank you Lord Jesus that you would not leave me in my deficient faith and that you would call me out of the palace of man to discover the palace of my Lord. Thank you Lord Jesus that you sustained me and protected me and cared for me and never left me, even when all I could do was bury my head in despair. Oh Lord your fierce love is terrifyingly beautiful and I am so grateful that you turned your eyes upon me. I praise your holy name.